I’m writing this because I can. I’m writing this because I’ve stopped doubting myself, I’ve stopped wondering what if, I’ve just stopped.
And I’m good.
I’m completely good and that is so amazing. When I started sharing my Single Mom Dating stories, I knew this one would end up here, I just didn’t know how or when. I’ve briefly mentioned D in another post, but there is so much more.
Last fall, I noticed someone on POF. I had seen a glimpse of him before but honestly, didn’t connect with him at that time. I’m not sure what was different but this time I was interested in his profile and I sent him a quick message and went to bed. We talked through POF, moved quickly to texting, and in less than a week, he was hanging out with me, my brother and sister in law around a fire at their house. It was a most wonderful night. So much laughter. So much fun getting to know each other and discovering mutual connections. I was messaging my best friend halfway through the night telling her how excited I was for the next time because he was so great. He was a perfect fit with my family, I knew my kids would love him. And they did.
I trusted D with my life, from day one. The day after we met, he invited me over to see him on his lunch break. That night my kiddos were away for the night so I spent the evening at his house. He asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I spent the night. –WHAT?? I know. This doesn’t sound like the independent and careful me from my previous post.
When I went to go home that night, my legs were not cooperating and I couldn’t make it beyond his kitchen. (Thankfully he knew about my nerve issue and that this was something I was dealing with occasionally.) It was late and we both had to be up early. He offered for me to sleep on his couch. For some strange reason, I took him up on it. I trusted him 100% and in previous posts you read that’s not normal for me so early in to knowing somebody. He was very polite. Got me situated on his couch with a blanket and a phone charger. He even popped in on a video chat with my mom.
Too Much Too Soon?
D met my kids much earlier than I had ever planned. They met at my brother’s house and he gave them piggy back rides. He then joined us at the Wadsworth Scare on the Square that evening. That was just the beginning.
They loved him right away. I knew they would. Like I said already, he perfectly fit in to my family. When I told them about D, my daughter asked if he knew ‘how crazy we are’. I smiled and laughed as I told her he was the same kind of crazy.
For two months things were wonderful. We spent time together on the weekends when the kids were at their Dad’s, and we spent time together all five of us. We met each other’s families and had holidays together. We talked about a future.
Too Good to be True?
Right after Christmas something changed. Something was different but was ‘explained away’. One night I finally got some answers and we broke up.
That break up hit me harder than my divorce. And that says a lot.
I thought I was lucky by finding my forever pretty early in to dating again. I had no doubt I was going to be his wife one day. I had no doubt he was going to be the step dad my kids deserve.
I struggled a lot. I was depressed. I thought the break up was a horrible mistake. I hoped for some big Hallmark movie type of ending.
Because of various interactions, recalling things from our time together, and maybe some over thinking over the past few months, I’ve been able to realize some things. I don’t think he’s who I thought. But instead of beating myself up over this realization, I’m using it as a lesson as I continue on in this dating journey.
Thank you, D. I don’t know if you’ll ever read this. Or if someone you know will tell you about it. I really do not care either way. Even still, I thank you.
Thank you for introducing me to new things.
Thank you for showing me what I want for my future.
Thank you for showing me what I don’t want for my future.
Thank you for showing me my ability to love again and for the small glimpse at how great it will be with my true forever person.
I wish you only the best.
I hope you figure out your life, and live it where and how you want. And, with your own forever person.