“I will respond to your texts hopefully tonight.”
That was the message I received from J. On Valentine’s Day.
We met on a dating app and texted for a few weeks. He seemed great – a lot of interests shared and traits that I’m looking for in my future husband. I even told him about my current undiagnosed health issue that causes me to collapse. He was fine with it. He even said he’d help research some natural methods to help once I get a diagnosis. That was exciting! He didn’t mind my ‘downfall’. And he was future minded.
We finally met up for coffee on Sunday afternoon just before Valentine’s Day.
It was great! We talked for hours. Then, I was down to 20 minutes until I would be leaving to pick up my kids from their Dad’s. We talked about if there was more time we’d find something else to do since we were done at the coffee shop. Knowing that I have a pet frog, J asked if I needed to go over to get some crickets at the pet store right across the parking lot. Aww, he wanted to still spend time together. Even if it was just buying crickets for my frog. Odd thing on a first meetup, but cute. Right?
So, we went and bought crickets! As we walked over there, I begged my legs to be okay and not cause any issues on this first time together. Not long after we were in the store, I had to stop and lean on a shelf for a few minutes. I was totally embarrassed. He was totally great with it. He said to not worry. If I wanted to, I could hold on to his arm as we started walking again. (Aww! Sweet! Right!?)
He walked me to my van and we hugged goodbye. We both texted later about enjoying our time together and mentioned there being another time.
The next morning I had an EEG and we texted quickly afterwards. I sent an unanswered text the following night. The next morning, on Valentine’s Day, he texted back.
I was sitting at work watching training videos. I quickly responded saying that I hoped he was feeling better and that work would be good.
I haven’t heard from him since.
Oh, and there’s more! It was a DOUBLE Happy Valentine’s Day, remember?
So, also on Valentine’s Day…
I finished up my new job computer training that morning, then got started working. When I took a quick break that afternoon, I glanced at my phone. What did I see?
A text from my ex-boyfriend. My only boyfriend since being divorced. The one I’m still in love with. The one I thought I’d spend forever with. The one I still would.
I was in shock. I didn’t understand. I was hopeful. I was confused.
I responded later. After hours of my mind spinning.
Days later, I couldn’t take it. I texted and asked him WHY he texted me Happy Valentine’s Day. We hadn’t even been talking. I had just recently seen him on the dating app we met on. He was obviously moving on. So, WHY? I had to ask, because my heart couldn’t take not knowing. And I told him that. Because despite trying to move on, my heart is still is.
Guess what happened? He didn’t answer.
Communication… why is that so difficult with grownups these days? If this dude J had just said, you know what, your health stuff is actually too much for me. Or, you know what, I just don’t think you’re what I’m looking for after all. Or, you know, just anything at all… I’d have been perfectly okay with it. I know I’m a lot, and I know that not everyone is for me. If D had just said he was just being nice. He was just thinking of me. He didn’t know. ANYTHING. I’d have been perfectly okay with it.