I had been a single mama for just over a year. My divorce was finally finalized. I wanted to date. But I thought about how little chances I had of just randomly meeting someone. So I gave in and created a profile on a couple dating sites.
I connected with N and we messaged back and forth for a bit on POF. He was a single Dad as well and completely understanding of time restraints. We knew we wanted to meet up soon and one Saturday we were both able to make it happen. He had finished up at his son’s karate event. My littlest and I had been enjoying a bonfire with my brother and sister in law and they said to go. So we had our first date at Starbucks, at about 9pm that evening. He had already mentioned the possibility of going to a movie as well if we had a connection. How exciting!
We got our drinks and sat outside of Starbucks chatting for a while, getting to know each other better. I’ll admit, it was mostly me listening to him in the beginning because I was so very nervous. I really hadn’t ever just gone out with someone I didn’t actually know first. And, after being with my ex husband since college… Yeah, I had no idea what I was doing.
I was dealing with so many emotions – nervous, excited, scared, hopeful, happy. Honestly it was fun just getting to know someone new in general. Then add in the fact that he was very good looking… 😉 Still, it was strange thinking how I was a MOM and on a DATE with someone new.
Well, we hit it off. I checked in on my littlest and he was doing fine. So, we hit the movies!
Now, N was all ready to have me ride with him and I said no way. I didn’t know him. I was not about to get in to his car and never be seen again. I’ve heard too many stories on the news. Before I even met him, the adults in my immediate family had his name, his picture, and his address and knew exactly where we going. By the next date, they had his license plate number as well.
We had a great time at the movies and were out way too late. But it was great. I woke up to a good morning text. The first of MANY. We texted day and night. We went out every other weekend or so. He mentioned possibilities for the upcoming holidays. We were exclusive right away. We had a lot of fun together and the feelings were wonderful. We randomly met each other’s kids while school supply shopping at the same store. (We knew ten minutes before it happened from texting. We were just ‘friends’.) He even got to know my littlest a bit the last time we went out since I didn’t have a sitter but we both had a couple of hours to spare and took him to McDonald’s. Totally his idea, too.
It was a good couple of months. We communicated very well and often. We had a lot in common and a lot of similarities in our pasts. We even both had similar jobs.
I have no idea what went wrong. One day on break at work, I checked for a text from him. It was there. But it was not what I expected. It was a text saying he had taken on a second job for just weekends. He no longer had time to focus on a relationship and it wasn’t fair to either of us. I was sad, of course. But I understood that he had to focus on bringing in more income for his child’s needs.
What I didn’t understand, was seeing him back on POF within a week.
What I did learn from the time with N, is that I had made progress in my growth to being who I wanted to be. In the two months that we dated, I drove myself everywhere. I was extremely cautious. He noticed how independent I was very early on. He once said he had never met a woman as independent as me. That took me by surprise, but I loved it. All through my life and in my marriage, I was not ever as independent as I’d wished. I wouldn’t do much on my own or take many chances.
So, thank you, N, for showing me what I’ve accomplished and what I am capable of.