My big kids asked about you.
“Mommy! Can you hurry and ask D to join us at church!?”
My heart sank. Because they had been asking to see you for weeks. Because they have never stopped asking about you since we met almost two years ago. Because they were so happy we were back together. Because I knew I would have to have this conversation and now it was happening as we got to church. In the nicest way possible, I was honest. “He doesn’t have time for any of us. So we’re not going to be together anymore.”
I couldn’t sugar coat it this time. I couldn’t say that it just wasn’t working for us to be a couple. I couldn’t say we were just going to be friends. I couldn’t say that you were just too busy and then get questioned if we could go see you at work or text you to visit. I couldn’t leave my kids thinking that there was a chance that this was going to happen again. That one day we’d actually start seeing you again. I had to make it clear to them.
Ladies, if your boyfriend won’t tell people you’re together, won’t answer messages, won’t return phone calls, can post on social media, but won’t speak to you unless you just show up at his house… He’s probably not worth your time. Even if he can talk about how he could build on to his house in the future so there’s room for you and your children… If he can’t actually communicate, he’s not worthy of your time or your heart. Or your kids’.
Those who have followed my Single Mom Dating posts will remember D. He was my first boyfriend following my divorce. I thought I was lucky finding my person pretty quickly and without too many crazy dating experiences. Then he stopped communicating. When I confronted him he went on about all these things he wanted to change with his life and I did not fit in to it. It took a LONG time for me to move past him. We talked from time to time and after a bonfire at his house, got back together in the Spring of this year.
I was hoping it was time for my happily ever after, but my heart was very guarded. It’s a good thing too. Because in 4 days the communication slowed and in two weeks I was done. Not because I didn’t love him. Not because I didn’t understand the stress he was under at the time. Not because I didn’t think it could have worked out… but because I respect myself, my time, my heart, and my kids.
I don’t know if there was a lesson in all of this or if it was more closure I didn’t know I still needed to know that we wouldn’t meet again and live happily ever after. What I do know, is that I’m strong. I get stronger all the time, for myself and my children. I’m happy with my life and where it’s leading me.
Dear D: I see you’re back on POF. I know you’ve had big happenings in your life this month and I think it could be the start of some healing you need to fully move forward. I hope and pray that you get to that point in your life where you are able to have a healthy lasting relationship with your forever person. Your past, your career, your finances, your family, your passions… nothing about you will be too much for your person. Don’t settle for something less than that.
It’s been more than a year since I met somebody new and went on a first date. That person was the inspiration behind my other post about being happy by yourself. Fortunately for me I have been happy and I was surprised to realize it’s been a year. That is also why I’ve been fine through everything with D again.
Maybe someday I’ll find my forever person. Until then, I’m living my best life with my kids who keep me both strong and a little bit crazy.